It's not always easy to recognize when your guy isn't telling the truth. But there are subtle cues that indicate he's trying to fudge the facts. To help awaken your inner lie detector -- and prevent dishonesty from floating in your relationship -- we called in ex-CIA polygraph examiner Dan Crum, author of the new book "Is He Lying To You?"
At one time or another your guy has probably said something that sounded a little fishy. The bachelor party ended at 10 p.m.; the auto mechanic made him invest in a bigger engine; he's allergic to opera. In fact, men tell twice as many lies as women, most of which are just little white lies, according to a new survey from 20th Century Fox to mark the DVD launch of the TV series "Lie To Me."
"Men lie to preserve their ego," Crum explains. "They don't want to spoil the reputation they've worked hard to earn." So if he wants you to think of him as reliable, he may fib that he made that phone call to the insurance company a week ago -- and then make a note to do it tomorrow. Other times, lying is simply the easy way out, especially if he thinks the truth will get him in trouble, Crum says. Maybe he drove his female coworker home because her car broke down, but tells you he drove home alone so you won't get worked up.
Even though small fibs seem harmless, these little white lies can undermine a sense of trust in your relationship. "When men get away with small, insignificant fibs, it builds their lying comfort level," Crum says. "The more practice he gets, the higher your risk that he'll lie about bigger things down the line." But you don't need to hook him up to a polygraph machine to pick up on deception. These simple tactics can help you spot the lie, get him talking truthfully, and pave the way for a more trusting and honest relationship.
1. Take a mental picture of his usual behavior. The way your guy behaves verbally and non-verbally when he's relaxed is what Crum calls a man's WIN (what is normal). The next time you are talking about the weather, plans for the weekend, or any other no-pressure topic, take note of his WIN -- does he clear his throat or gesture when he speaks? Only when you know his WIN will you be able to pick up on the subtle changes in body language, speech, and tone of voice that occur when he's trying to hide something.
Signs that He's Lying
